


Operation: Outlaw Queen

by SunBinamra



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff, First Dates, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunBinamra/pseuds/SunBinamra
Summary: “You’re acting like her father.” “Well, I am named after him.” In which Henry harasses Robin Hood into taking Regina on the perfect date. And stalks - ahem, monitors the two lovebirds, with some help from the Merry Men of course. Gotta make sure the bandit doesn’t screw everything up, right? Collaboration with PurpleGummiBear3 (on ff.net).Originally published on ff.net on January 1, 2015





	1. STAGE 1: The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We do not own Once Upon a Time . If we did, PurpleGummiBear3 would be forcing them to churn out a season every week.
> 
> Warning: Possible OOCness, puppy bashing (on Regina’s part), fluff and Roland’s big brown eyes

 

**Granny’s Diner | June 15, 13:00 ECT**

“So, Henry. What did you want to talk about?” Robin Hood asked the teen boy sitting before him. Henry Mills sat perfectly straight, his hands cupping a steaming mug of Granny’s hot cocoa. Robin wasn’t sure whether to be amused or worried by the utter seriousness on the boy’s face.

“You’re in love with my mom, right?” Robin blinked. Well, he suspected the boy wanted to talk about Regina but this was a bit blunt.

“Um… well yes, but, you knew that already…” Robin blustered. He nervously tapped his fingers against his own cup of cocoa.

“I know. I just wanted to confirm it,” Henry said matter of factly. The teen calmly took a sip of cocoa. Then he fixed the former bandit with a stern glare.

“Of course, I’d be a lot more convinced if you actually did something about it. Say, like taking her out on a date?” Henry narrowed his eyes at Robin Hood, who smiled sheepishly.

“ _Have_ you taken her out on a date?” Henry asked. Robin Hood slumped a little in the booth.

“Not… exactly no…” he said slowly.

“Why not?” Henry snapped. “You say you love her. Why haven’t you shown her yet?” _Well_ , thought Robin. _I have shown her, down in her vault when -_

He shook his head furiously to rid himself of those thoughts. Henry did not need to know that.

“I, uh, there hasn’t been a good time what with the town constantly being attacked…?” Robin said it like a question. Henry just stared at the man. The former bandit started to sweat under the teen’s glare. Is this how all of the Evil Queen’s victims felt? Good grief, he really _was_ Regina’s son.

“Well that’s a stupid reason,” Henry finally huffed. “There’s no time like the present, _especially_ if there’s an imminent threat of death, to prove you love her. Which is why,” and suddenly the teen was beaming. “I’m going to help you plan the perfect date.”

Robin, who was still recovering from Henry’s sudden mood swing, just stared at the boy.

“The perfect date,” he repeated. Henry nodded.

“Now,” he said, suddenly businesslike. _What is with this kid and his mood swings?_ Robin thought frantically.

“I get that you and Mom were destined to fall in love or whatever, but I’m betting you don’t know any of the little things. Like how she likes her coffee prepared. And her favorite time of day. And what movies she likes to watch. Quick,” Henry suddenly pointed at poor Robin. “What is her favorite color?”

 _When did this turn into an interrogation?_ Robin wondered wearily.

“Uh… black?” Robin guessed. Henry frowned.

“No, it’s purple,” Henry corrected. “Haven’t you noticed all the purple in her wardrobe? Her accessories? Even her _magic_ is purple, for crying out loud! All right,” he thought for a moment. “What’s her favorite food?”

And so the interrogation continued with poor Robin Hood only able to answer a few of Henry’s many questions. After fifteen minutes of relentless grilling, Henry finally leaned back in the booth with a sigh.

“Oh man,” he groaned. “You’re hopeless. You don’t know anything about her.” Robin’s eye twitched.

 _Why is it so important to know which pair of shoes she favors most?_ The former bandit thought, annoyed. But he didn’t say anything, because the kid was still glaring him down.

“That has to change if you’re going to take her on the perfect date. So listen carefully.” Henry took a deep breath. “Her favorite color is purple, her favorite fruit is apple, actually she loves anything apple-related, she likes long skirts, her favorite jewel is onyx, she loves jazz music, her favorite time of day is sunset, she likes horseback riding, she likes tight clothes that tend to show off her chest which I really don’t get and it kind of creeps me out but whatever makes her happy, she’s been wanting to go to that Italian place down the street, they apparently have really good red wine, she likes picnics, she secretly watches the Kardashians when she thinks I’m not home because they apparently give her great ideas for spells, she likes her coffee black, no sugar or creamer or anything, she likes roses, red ones, and she thinks Roland is adorable even though he looks like his mother.”

Robin just… stared. Was he supposed to remember all of that?

“Now repeat it back to me.” Aw damn.

“Look, Henry,” Robin said. He reached across the table to pat Henry’s hand. “I appreciate that you’re looking out for your mother, but is all of this really necessary?”

“Yes, it is. All of those details you need to know if you’re going to plan the perfect date.”

“Even the part about the Kardashians?”

“Hmm, maybe not that part, but the rest yeah. You’ve gotta incorporate everything she loves into this date, you know. Because even though you’re a really nice guy, I’m going to have to hurt you if you mess up her first date.”

“You’re acting like her father,” Robin observed dryly.

“Well, I am named after him,” the kid countered. Good grief. Robin fervently hoped Roland wouldn’t be like this when he grew up.

“Okay, Henry…” Robin trailed off with sigh. Henry narrowed his eyes.

“You know _both_ my moms have magic, right? My father was also magical, being the son of the Dark One and all. My grandparents are _Snow White_ and _Prince Charming,_ and my other mom is dating _Captain Hook_ . You never know, maybe I have magic in me too. And if I have magic… I can do... _things,”_ Henry said with a pointed look towards Robin.

“All right, all right kid, I get it!” Robin threw his hands up in frustration. “If I screw this up, your family will destroy me.”

“Destroy is putting it lightly,” Henry said sipping his hot cocoa. “So… just to make sure you understand. What will happen if you screw this up?”

“I die.” Robin replied, unamused.

“Good. Now what will happen if you don’t screw it up but something else happens, like a unicorn stampede?” _Do we even have unicorns in Storybrooke?_ Robin thought for a moment.

“I still die?” Henry smirked.

“Good you’re catching on.” Robin resisted the impulse to facepalm.

“So… now that we’ve established I’d better get this right or die in unspeakably horrible ways…” Robin began. “What is your idea of the perfect date?”

“Yes, the date!” Henry clapped his hands together in glee. _What’s with this kid?_ Robin thought in mild horror.

“So, here’s what’s going to happen,” Henry continued. “You’re going to pick up my mom from her house around 6:30. No earlier, no later. You have to give her enough time to get ready. Now how long does that take?”

“Wha- how on earth am I supposed to know that?” Robin protested. Henry huffed.

“45 minutes. 45 minutes, get that into your head. Girls take a while you know, and especially on a first date - man I’ve never even had a girlfriend and I know more than you. What’s wrong with this picture?” Robin chose not to answer that question.

“Anyway,” Henry went on. “You’re going to have to incorporate purple into your outfit somewhere - gotta match - and then you’re going to bring her flowers. And what type of flowers are you bringing her?”

“Red roses. But isn’t that a bit cliche?” Robin wondered aloud. Henry just stared at him. “Okay, fine. Not cliche, got it,” Robin backtracked hurriedly.

Over at the counter, Robin saw Red smirking at the sight of Henry bullying the former thief. Robin sent her an inconspicuous _not a word_ glare. At that moment the Charming family walked into the diner. Henry’s back faced towards the door, so he didn’t notice. But upon catching sight of Robin and Henry in the booth, Emma raised an eyebrow.

Then she heard what the two were talking about.

Robin sent her a pleading look, but Emma either didn’t notice or pretended not to and slid into a booth behind Henry. Both Emma and Mary Margaret were struggling to control their laughter.

“Robin!” Henry snapped his fingers in front of Robin’s face. Robin’s attention snapped back to him. “Are you paying attention? You know your life is at stake right?”

“Right…” Robin muttered.

“So where will you be taking her for dinner?” Henry questioned.

“Er… the Italian restaurant?” Robin guessed, stupidly hoping he’d get it right.

“Wrong!” Henry cried, exasperated. “She’ll see that coming! Come on Robin, think a little!”

“But you said -” Robin started but Henry interrupted him.

“I said she’d _like_ to go to that Italian place, but I never said _take_ her there. Geez man, keep up!” Robin just stared, dumbfounded. _Can he ever win with this kid?_ By now Emma had given up on containing her laughter, although Mary Margaret was a bit more polite and only giggled. Charming smiled at him sympathetically over the booth divider.

“You’ll be taking her out to the forest where you had your first kiss for a romantic, moonlit picnic. There will be candles lining the area so you can see where you’re going and-” Henry was interrupted.

“Wait, wouldn’t it be illogical to have candles in a place where something could easily catch fire?” Robin asked. _And how the hell did he even know about their first kiss? What does Regina tell this kid?_ Henry glared at him. “Okay, nevermind.” Henry seemed satisfied and went back to planning.

“Screw logistics, sure. It doesn’t matter if the whole forest burns as long as my mom has a nice time, let’s ignore the risk,” Robin muttered under his breath in a poor imitation of Henry’s voice. David and Mary Margaret sent sympathetic looks his way, while Emma was thoroughly enjoying his misery.

“Then you’ll serve her gourmet Italian food. Yes, food that you prepared and yes, _serve_ her.” Henry ordered. Robin groaned. There were many things this skilled thief was capable of. Cooking was most definitely _not_ one of them. Henry seemed to already sense this.

“Of course, I will be helping you with the cooking so you don’t screw it up,” Henry added. Robin’s eyebrows shot up.

“You know how to cook?” he asked, surprised.

“I was raised by Regina for ten years of my life. Of course I know how to cook,” Henry replied.

“But I thought Regina was a terrible cook,” Robin said.

“Yes, that’s why I had to learn if I wanted actual food for dinner,” Henry said matter of factly.

“Oh,” was Robin’s response. What he would give for an angry green witch right now.

“Also, here’s a tip: don’t tell my mom she’s a terrible cook,” And there was the Regina-glare again. Robin resisted the urge to wipe the sweat from his brow. _This kid’s intense._

“You know Henry, I’ve courted other women before,” Robin said.

“Not in this world you haven’t!” Henry stated. “You don’t even know how to work a telephone, and you still call cars _those strange metal moving contraptions_. And by the way, in this world we say _dating_ not _courting_.” Henry quirked an eyebrow, daring Robin to argue.

“Oh, and this should go without saying, but avoid using the expression, ‘I’ve courted other women before’ around Mom. Or anything like it.”

“Right…” Robin said. _I’m not that stupid_ , Robin thought irritably.

“My mom can get quite jealous, as unbelievable as that sounds,” Henry said. _Unbelievable?_ Robin could see Mary Margaret and David wearing similar expressions on their faces. “I wouldn’t want the date to end with fireballs assaulting your mutilated corpse.”

“Quite a vocabulary you’ve got there huh?” Robin commented. Was the sarcasm obvious enough?

“Oh and I forgot to add the most important thing,” Henry said, ignoring the thief’s comment. He pushed Robin’s untouched cocoa aside and stared the older man directly in the eyes. Robin gulped. “You break my mom’s heart, and every member of my family will be knocking down your door with a stake in their hand.”

“Good to know,” Robin muttered. “Is that all?”

“Yes. No wait,” Henry said. Robin raised an eyebrow. Henry’s face darkened. “I want her home by 11 o’clock on the dot. And I’ll be waiting up, so no funny business. Understand?”

“Yes sir,” Robin mock saluted. Henry stared down the poor thief as if assessing whether Robin was really up to the challenge (and challenge it was, what with this demon kid breathing down his neck about it). Just as Robin was starting to squirm in his seat, Henry suddenly sat back and beamed like the innocent teen Robin knew he wasn’t.

“Then I wish you the best of luck,” Henry said happily. “If all goes well, I may be able to call you ‘Dad’ someday. If not, the ‘Dad’ will turn into ‘Dead.’ Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to write something nice on your headstone. You are a pretty nice guy, after all.” Henry smiled sweetly. Robin shivered. _Yup, definitely Regina’s kid._

Now, this day could be put at the top of Emma’s _Best Days Ever_ list. Mary Margaret was trying to reprimand her daughter for reveling in the sorrow of others, even though she herself couldn’t stop a few chuckles from slipping out. And David was hoping Robin would survive, because Henry… well, David hadn’t fully realized that Henry was also Regina’s son until now. Scary. _Very_ scary.

“This date will take place tomorrow night. I expect you to come by the loft at 10 o’clock sharp tomorrow morning. I’m with Emma this week,” Henry announced as he stood up. He offered a hand to Robin, who reached for it like it was a poison apple.

Henry walked out of the diner, still not noticing the Charmings as they hid their faces. Robin slumped down in the booth and sent an accusing glare at Henry’s family who had, by this point, lost all self control and burst out laughing, startling many of the other people in the diner.

“I thought you said he was a sweet kid?” poor Robin accused. Emma managed to control her snickering long enough to reply.

“He is... when you’re not his mom’s boyfriend,” Emma smirked.

“Then why hasn’t he gone after Hook yet?” Robin asked.

“Oh trust me, I’ve got that covered,” David said, frowning at Emma.

“Don’t worry so much, Robin,” Mary Margaret said kindly. “Everything will be fine. Regina loves you, and I know you love her. True love can overcome anything!” Mary Margaret gave him an award winning smile and glanced dreamily at Charming.

Emma groaned. “If you two start making out, I swear I’m gonna disown you.”

“You technically can’t disown your parents, Emma,” David corrected while Mary Margaret stared at her in horror.

“Thank you all,” Robin interrupted dryly. “But I don’t think a hope speech will protect me from Henry’s wrath. Or worse, his micromanaging tendencies.” Robin got up from the booth and exited the diner, with a feeling of dread settling in his stomach.


	2. STAGE 2: The Reconnaissance

**Mills Mansion | June 16, 09:00 ECT**

The sun beamed down on Regina’s sleeping figure, signaling a new day. She groaned and shifted until she was face down in her pillow, away from the cheerful rays of sunshine. She was not a morning person. She vaguely heard Robin get out of their bed.

“Regina?” he whispered. She grunted in response, the universal saying for _‘Wake me up and you lose your life.’_ Robin chuckled and bent down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek before tiptoeing into the bathroom to take a shower.

Time passed and eventually Regina dragged herself out of her silken sheets. There was a note on the bedside table from Robin.

_Patrolling the forest with John. Rest well._

_Robin_

_P.S. I’ve been told these are symbols of affection in this world, so I will leave some here for you: xoxoxoxox_

_P.P.S. I’ve planned a little something special for you tonight. Be ready at 6:30, I’ll pick you up then._

The man _really_ had a way with words. Regina rolled her eyes and chuckled as she set the note down. Walking to her wardrobe, she attempted to pick her outfit for the day. She was shuffling through her many pencil skirts, blouses and blazers when she heard her front door slam.

“Regina, are you up there?” Tinkerbell called out from downstairs. Regina huffed. Although Tink was her best friend, she didn’t appreciate visitors so early in the morning. Tinkerbell ignored the silence and walked up the staircase and into Regina’s bedroom.

“There you are,” Tink said. Unbeknownst to Regina, Tink had been sent by Henry as part of his _operation_ , which he had dubbed, “Operation: Outlaw Queen.”

“Why are you up so late?” Tink asked.

“Late? I’d hardly say that,” Regina grumbled.

“Regina, it’s 9:00,” Tink stated, putting her hands on her hips. Regina mumbled a response. Tinkerbell frowned. “No, I’m not letting you be lazy today, come on I’m taking you out,” the fairy announced.

“What? To where?” Regina protested. “And I can’t go anywhere today, Robin’s planned something for tonight -”

“A place,” Tink replied. “And don’t worry, you’ll be back in plenty of time for Robin’s ‘surprise.’ Now get dressed and haul your sorry ass downstairs, let’s go!” the fairy cried, shoving an outfit into Regina’s hands and stomping downstairs. Regina sighed.

She threw on her red blouse and black pencil skirt before slipping on a pair of 4 inch heels. Quickly applying her makeup and freshening up her hair, she grabbed her purse and trundled downstairs to meet Tinkerbell.

Tink was at the kitchen bar holding a glass of apple cider with an empty plate in front of her, remnants of Regina’s famous apple turnovers scattered over it.

“Geez, do you have any food that isn’t apple-related, Regina?” Tink complained.

“You come over and eat all my food, you have no room to complain,” Regina retorted, setting her purse on the counter and grabbing an apple from her fruit basket. “So to what do I owe this unpleasant girl’s day out?”

Tink frowned at her. “I’m simply being friendly, and trust me, you’ll enjoy yourself today.” Regina chuckled.

“What makes you so sure?”

“I just know you that well. So are you you ready?” Tink asked.

“I suppose,” Regina said, reluctantly finishing her apple. “Where are we going?” Tink smiled.

“Storybrooke Pet Shelter! I signed us up to volunteer for the day.”

“Oh no,” Regina groaned as Tink grabbed her hand and dragged her out the door.

* * *

  **Storybrooke Pet Shelter | June 16, 10:00 ECT**

“Tinkerbell, I swear if you make me go in there I will personally remove your wings again,” Regina threatened as she gazed in horror at the pet shelter they were approaching.

“Oh come on Regina, it will be fun!” Tink said cheerfully. How the hell she managed to become Regina’s best friend was beyond everyone. Regina couldn’t stand cheerful people, fairies, dwarfs, elves, pixies, unicorns, or whatever other species there were out there. The point was, she hated them all.

“Hello!” Tink greeted the woman behind the counter in the pet shelter. “We’re here to help out!”

“O-okay, just sign in here,” the receptionist stuttered. She seemed incredibly surprised to see the mayor. Even if she was no longer a threat, she was not known for her warm and fuzzy side towards anyone or anything, let alone abandoned animals. The only ones she found endearing were horses, and the stables were on the other side of town.

“Great!” Tinkerbell said, putting the sign-in sheet down. “Where do we start?” Regina groaned as she was dragged to the back of the building where all the ‘vermin’ as she called them were being held.

“Tink, if I don’t die by the end of today, I will make sure you do,” Regina grumbled. But Tink just shot her a smirk and dragged into the room full of puppies. As the two women entered, all the puppies turned to look at them with varying shades of big, eager eyes before pouncing on them. As she sat buried amidst wriggling puppies slobbering all over her face, Regina heaved what felt like the millionth groan of the morning. Today was just not her day.

* * *

  **Mills Mansion Hedges | June 16, 09:30 ECT**

“Perfect,” Henry whispered as he watched Tink drag his mother down the street. After making sure the two were out of sight, he stood up from where he had been crouched behind a bush. A small hand tugged on his shirt.

“Big brother?” Roland asked. “Why are we watching Tinky-bell and Gina?”

“Because we need to make sure my mom is suitably occupied while we set up everything for her date,” Henry replied with a grin.

“Oh,” Roland said putting his finger to his mouth in thought. “Henry?”

“Yeah?” Henry looked at him.

“What’s a date?” Roland asked. Henry almost facepalmed.

“It’s when your dad takes my mom out somewhere special and expresses his undying love for her,” Henry said, only half paying attention. Roland’s eyes widened.

“Papa’s gonna die?” Roland gasped. Henry sighed. Kids these days, taking everything literally.

“No Roland, he’s not,” Henry said. “At least, not if everything goes as planned,” The last part wasn’t really directed at Roland. But Roland seemed satisfied enough, knowing his papa wasn’t facing death.

“Now,” Henry started. “We have to hurry back to the loft. We’re going to meet your papa there at 10.” Roland smiled.

“Papa!” he cried gleefully. Henry took his hand and they made their way back to the Charmings’ loft.

* * *

  **Blanchard Apartment | June 16, 09:57 ECT**

Henry walked through the loft door with Roland in tow. “Is he here yet?” Henry asked.

“No, not yet,” Mary Margaret replied, balancing her coffee cup in one hand and baby Neal in the other arm. Emma was sitting at the counter.

“Hey kid, have some breakfast,” Emma said. “You’re going to need fuel for today.”

“No,” Henry said in all seriousness. “There’s no time for food, too many things to do,” he explained, depositing Roland on a chair. David placed a plate of biscuits in front of Roland, and his small hands snatched one up with a look of glee on his face.

“Gah! Where is that damn bandit?” Henry complained. Roland munched on his biscuits loudly.

“Henry! Language!” Mary Margaret exclaimed. “Emma!” Emma coughed, choking on her own biscuit.

“Hm?” Emma asked, clueless. Mary Margaret glared at her. “Oh! Right, Henry...” Henry looked at her. “Watch your language kid, you shouldn’t be using words like that,” Henry smiled innocently.

“Where do you think I learned it from?” he smiled. David couldn’t hold back his chuckle and Mary Margaret was glaring at Emma. Emma was trying to hide in her coffee cup. However, she was saved by the doorbell.

“Finally!” Henry exclaimed. He sprang up to open the door, revealing a very nervous Robin. Henry frowned at him, looking at the clock. “10:02, I thought I said 10 o’clock _on the dot._ How do you expect to be with my mom if you can’t even tell time properly?” Robin sighed.

“Okay Henry give it a rest,” David said still slightly chuckling. “The poor man is nervous enough as it is, don’t make it worse.”

“But it has to be perfect!” Henry cried. Emma frowned.

“Woah, slow down, kiddo,” she said, sliding off her seat to squeeze Henry’s shoulder affectionately. “I get that you want your mom to be happy and all, but you don’t need to get so worked up over this.”

“It’s just,” Henry bit his lip, suddenly looking much younger. “She’s… she’s suffered so much and she’s worked so _hard_ to change, and she still isn’t happy. All I want is for her to find her happy ending, she deserves it after everything she’s been through…” he trailed off. Robin’s face softened and he kneeled down in front of Henry.

“Don’t worry lad, I’ll take good care of her,” Robin smiled, putting his hand on Henry’s unoccupied shoulder.

“Yeah, Mr. _I don’t know my girlfriend’s favorite color,”_ Henry said under his breath. But then he offered a small smile. “But thanks for trying.”

“Okay kid,” Emma said patting his back. Robin just looked at him in exasperation. He’s never going to win with Henry. Nope, not possible.

“All right,” Henry clapped his hands. “First things first. Let’s start cooking!” Robin seemed to deflate.

“Oh, I could help with that!” Mary Margaret volunteered. Robin sent her a grateful look. At least he wouldn’t be alone while facing Henry’s wrath.

“I wah-a hep doo!” Roland chimed in around a mouthful of biscuit. Robin chuckled and ruffled his son’s hair.

“Of course you can help, son” Robin said, smiling. Henry suddenly whipped a sheet of paper out of nowhere.

“Alright, I took the liberty of whipping up a menu because I knew you’d have no clue what to make,” Henry said getting down to business. “The appetizers will consist of _bruschetta_ and _calamari fritti_ , then for the main course you’ll have _tortellini alla panna_ with a simple vinaigrette salad, and dessert will be a choice of cannoli or tiramisu. Let _her_ choose, Robin. Oh, and you’ll also be bringing along sparkling apple cider and red wine. Can’t forget the beverages.”

Emma wished she had a camera to capture the look of abject horror on Robin’s face. Mary Margaret laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, we’ll help you,” she whispered. Robin nodded slowly, his face now a blank mask of resignation. He’d have to ask Hook if he ever went through this much torture before taking Emma out on a date.

“This kid will be the death of me… literally…” Robin mumbled. Emma gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Wish I could help, but I’ve got a date of my own with Hook,” she said apologetically. David’s head snapped up.

“Wait, what date?” David exclaimed. Emma slowly raised an eyebrow.

“The one I told you about earlier. Oh come on,” Emma said in exasperation after noticing the look on her father’s face. “I’m 28, I can take care of myself.”

“Robin is at least a century old,” David retorted. “And look at what he has to go through to date Regina, who is also getting on in years.” Mary Margaret slapped his arm.

“You aren’t so young yourself, mister,” she scolded. Henry rolled his eyes then turned to Robin.

“Date tip number two. Never call her old.” Henry frowned at David one more time. David smiled sheepishly.

“Well speaking of time,” Mary Margaret said brightly. “We’d better start cooking. The day’s not getting any younger, you know.”

* * *

  **Storybrooke Pet Shelter | June 16, 16:13 ECT**

Over the next four hours, Henry tortured Robin with his constant “date tips” and demands in between the thief’s sad attempts at cooking. Emma was enjoying herself immensely because she has twisted sense of humor. Unfortunately, she didn’t get to stay long because Hook came over for their date that David’s so against. She soon forgot about poor Robin as Hook graciously escorted her out of the apartment door. The two were soon lost in their own bubble of happiness, wherever they went.

Meanwhile, Regina was slowly dying inside from being stuck in a room with thousands of fluffy, furry things. Okay, thousands was a bit of an exaggeration but it was close enough.

Tinkerbell snickered as she watched her best friend, the former Evil Queen, being defeated by puppies. Sadly, the fun had to end eventually as their time was up.

“Okay, thank you bye!” Tinkerbell cried and waved to goodbye to the pet shelter employee as Regina literally dragged her out the door. “Regina, where are we going?”

“My house,” Regina said through clenched teeth. “I have to rid myself of this god awful dog smell.” She stomped all the way to her house, ignoring the looks she got as she passed by with a fairy dragging behind her.

“Oh, come on, Regina, it wasn’t that bad!” Tink protested. Regina ignored her in favor of stomping home even faster.

“All right,” Tink relented as they neared the house. “I’m _sorry_ , okay? Well, not really,” the fairy muttered under her breath. “Go get cleaned up. And as an apology for dragging you off to entertain cute, adorable, sweet, innocent, _abandoned_ pup-” Regina’s glare could have melted stone. “Uh, as I was saying, in order to make it up to you I’ll… make you look gorgeous!” Regina sniffed, but did not object. Tink smiled. _She loves me, I know it,_ Tink thought to herself. And she followed Regina into her mansion.

 _Oh Robin Hood, are you in for a treat tonight!_ Tinkerbell laughed to herself in glee.

* * *

  **Storybrooke Forest | June 16, 15:22 ECT**

“Okay, here. Right?” Henry asked Robin for confirmation.

“Err… yeah...” Robin replied unsteadily. How did this kid know exactly where his and Regina’s first kiss happened? It was frightening to say the least…

“Alright, Merry Men?” Henry called. He had enlisted Robin’s men to guard the date site as a precaution. The Merry Men happily obliged, they were all snickering at their leader’s misfortune. Well, of course they were all happy for his newfound romance… Nah, they really just enjoyed watching their leader being bossed around by a teenager.

“Watch the perimeter around 6:45, it should take Robin and my mom a while to get here. My mom always insists on wearing 4 inch heels, don’t ask me why,” Henry rattled on. There was a murmur of agreement amongst the Merry Men. Robin was glaring at all of them.

“Henry, I really can take care of myself and your mother,” Robin attempted to interject. Henry snapped his head toward him.

“Okay, date tip number four hundred and six, don’t tell my mom you can ‘protect’ her. She can do that by herself and will take offense to that,” Henry gave Robin a pointed look. Robin sagged a little bit, defeated.

“I’m just going to start setting up then,” he muttered. Shaking out the fur-trimmed picnic blanket (where the hell did Henry get this?), he settled the cloth neatly on the freshly cleared forest floor. Then he started to arrange the candles around the outskirts of the blanket. Henry nodded approvingly.

“Not bad. You do have some romance in you, after all.” Before 1:00 yesterday afternoon, Robin would have barked at the cheeky kid. Now, he just ignored the comment. Maybe if he ignored the teen, Henry would go away and finally give him some peace.

“Don’t forget the incense!” Nope, not going to happen.

Robin groaned and looked at the sky. He was exhausted and they hadn’t even gone on the date yet! Not to mention he still had to get ready and pick up Regina.

“Aren’t you done yet? You have to light the candles now, you won’t have time later. And light the incense. Although maybe we’ll do that for you later so the smell isn’t overpowering by the time you get here…”

Robin dropped his head into his hands. He couldn’t wait for this damn date to start.

* * *

  **Mills Mansion | June 16, 17:00 ECT**

“Now what have we got here?” Tinkerbell hummed as she threw open Regina’s wardrobe, searching for the perfect outfit. Regina sat on the bed, her hair still dripping wet from her shower.

“Oh, this is pretty!” Tink said, holding up a short black dress with black velvet lace flowing on top of the black fabric. Regina just raised her eyebrow, knowing any input she gave would be completely disregarded by the excited fairy.

“Hm,” Tink squinted at the dress and clucked her tongue. “No, this won’t do.” She tossed the dress across the room. “You need something… sexier,”

“Oh God,” Regina sighed. This was going to take a while. “Tinkerbell, I assure you I will not go strutting around town looking like the wolf girl.”

“No, no, you’ll be classier. Plus, you’re a little old to be dressing like _that,_ ” Tink said, oblivious to Regina’s death glare. She wasn’t _that_ old, and anyway she looked good for her age, damn it!

“Ah ha!” Tink exclaimed, holding up a purple garment. It was a velvet, purple dress that reached about 2 inches above her ankles. The top was short sleeved and her shoulders were only covered by lace, the neckline dropping to a ‘V’ in the back. Regina’s eyebrows shot up. She didn’t even remember purchasing this dress.

“Sexy, is it not?” Tink asked.

“Where the hell did this come from?” Regina spluttered. Tink shrugged.

“I don’t know, I don’t care. Now put this on!” She shoved the dress at Regina, then pushed her into the bathroom. While Regina was struggling to get into her dress, Tink was raiding her shoe cabinet. Who even has enough shoes to fill a cabinet?

She picked out a pair of Regina’s smaller heels, only 4 ½ inches, that exposed her toes. They were black satin, simple but elegant.

“Perfect!” Tinkerbell cried. Regina finally came out and Tink shoved the shoes in her hands. “Oh, put them on! Regina you look so pretty!” she sighed. Regina smirked in silent thanks. She put on the shoes and stood up straight. Then Regina grabbed a black onyx necklace from her dresser and fastened it around her neck. Tink smiled before venturing to the bathroom.

“Now for hair and makeup!” Tink called. Regina gulped. This might get ugly.

Regina and Tink argued for a good ten minutes about everything from what shade of eyeshadow to what style of hair Regina should wear. They finally settled on straightening Regina’s hair and giving her a dark purple smoky eye, with just a touch of red lip gloss.

Regina smiled and Tink beamed. “There!” Tink exclaimed. “You look sexy but not trashy, elegant but not uptight, sassy but-”

“Okay Tink, I get it,” Regina interrupted.

“Now you’re ready for your date with Robin. You’re welcome,” Tink said with her hands on her hips. Regina huffed.

“I never asked for your help.” Tink frowned.

“Well, I’d say this is the best outfit you’ve ever worn, thanks to me,” she huffed right back. Regina raised an eyebrow.

“That’s debatable, and I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself,” Regina said smugly, walking out her bedroom door. Tink scoffed then followed her out the door, protesting. The two women bickered back and forth as they waited for Robin’s surprise.


	3. STAGE 3: The Date

**Mills Mansion | June 16, 18:30 ECT**

Robin smoothed his suit one more time, desperately trying to shake the annoying teenage boy away.

“And remember, don’t screw this up,” Henry whispered to Robin as they approached the door to the Mills’ house. Robin had a red rose in his hand, as discussed. Henry scampered around the house to the back garden and hid in a bush.

Too nervous to realize Henry hadn’t truly left, Robin cleared his throat and knocked on the door. After a momentary pause, Regina opened the door and smiled.

“Hi,” was all she said. Robin shyly grinned back.

“Hi,” Robin replied. _Wow, she looks beautiful._ “Are you ready milady?” He held out his arm. Regina took it, her smile widening.

“For what, exactly?” she asked.

“A surprise,” Robin said simply, leaving all details out. Regina raised her eyebrows.

“Oh? And how do I know you’re not going to drag me into a room full of puppies, or something just as frightening?” she inquired, still smiling.

“Well, I guess you’re just going to have to trust me,” Robin said. Regina chuckled and they made their way down the street. Henry watched them go and pulled out his walkie from his pocket.

“Truest Believer to Baby Bandit, do you copy? Over,” Henry spoke into it. There was a crackling on the other end and a thump.

“Uh, Baby Bandit?” Henry asked. “You okay?” More crackling, and then Roland’s voice started speaking.

“Oh _this_ button. Henry? Can you hear me? Is this thingy working?”

“Yes, it’s working,” Henry replied.

“Oh. Henry, is it time now?” Roland asked innocently. Henry sighed.

“Roland, you can’t use our real names, we need to use the code names we discussed. Oh, and don’t forget to say ‘over’ when you’re done speaking,” Henry reminded him.

“Oh, okay,” Roland said. “Over…” he added quickly, still unsure.

“Okay, let’s try this again,” Henry declared. “Truest Believer to Baby Bandit, the lovebirds have flown the nest. Do you copy? I repeat, the lovebirds have flown the nest. Over,”

“Huh? What birds? Where are the birdies?” Roland asked over the walkie. Henry groaned. This wasn’t working.

“My mom and your dad are walking towards the forest, are you and the Merry Men set up?” Henry asked, abandoning his spy talk.

“Uh… Yeah! We’re ready,” Roland cried.

“Great, I’ll be right over,” Henry said.

“Okay,” Roland replied. Henry shut off the walkie and started toward the forest. He had to get there before Robin and Regina, but with Regina’s choice of footwear, that wouldn’t be a problem.

* * *

  **Storybrooke Forest | June 16, 19:00 ECT**

“Where are they?” Henry paced restlessly. Roland followed his movements with wide eyes.

“They should have been here ages ago!” the agitated boy cried. Then he stopped dead. “He didn’t… He better not have made a move on my mom before taking her on a proper date!” Henry would have continued ranting but just at that moment the two boys heard voices approaching.

“Finally!” Henry hissed as he grabbed Roland and darted back to the date site. Upon arriving, he made frantic motions at the Merry Men who sprang into position. Meaning they disappeared into the surrounding trees to make sure no one disturbed their leader’s “special night.”

“Roland, can you climb up there?” Henry asked, pointing to a tree. Roland shook his head.

“Too big. Papa says I’m not big enough to climb trees yet,” Roland said solemnly. Henry sighed.

“All right then,” he plucked the little boy up and deposited him in a bush. “Stay here and be quiet. Try not to move too much or you’ll create a lot of noise,” Henry told him.

“Why?” Henry smiled at the four year old’s naiveté.

“We’re here to make sure your dad and my mom have a good date, right? So we have to watch them, maybe even fix things if something goes wrong,” Henry explained patiently. Roland still looked confused but nodded nonetheless.

“Okay,” the little boy chirped. Henry smiled.

“Good. Now, I’m going to go hide, alright? Are you going to be okay on your own?” Roland nodded. Henry ruffled his hair and dove into his own bush. Now all they had to do was wait.

* * *

 

**Storybrooke Forest | June 16, 19:05 ECT**

“Here we are milady,” Robin said, ushering Regina to the picnic blanket. Regina raised her eyebrows.

“My my, someone’s gone all out,” she observed. Robin waggled his eyebrows.

“Only the best for you, milady,” he said cheekily. Regina hit his arm.

“Oh stop,” she laughed. Henry wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cheer or puke.

The couple sat down in the middle of the blanket, and then Robin pulled the huge picnic basket closer. Regina’s eyes widened.

“Are there more guests coming that I don’t know about?” she asked. Robin shook his head.

“No, it’s just us tonight. But I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a feast. Like I said,” here he winked. “Only the best for you.” Regina rolled her eyes but was clearly fighting a smile.

Without further ado, Robin opened the lid of the picnic basket. “For appetizers, we have _bruschetta_ and _calamari fritti_. The main course is _tortellini alla panna_ with a simple vinaigrette salad, and for dessert we have _cannoli_ or _tiramisu_. It’s your choice, my dear. For drinks, there is a choice of sparkling apple cider or red wine.” Regina was staring between him and the food.

“Robin, you know I love you, but there is no way in hell you prepared all of this on your own,” Regina said. “You don’t even know what an oven is,” Robin scoffed, pretending to be offended.

“Well, a man of great talents should be able to prepare a fine cuisine without the use of this, _oven_ ,” Robin argued. Regina laid her hand on top of his in mock sympathy.

“That may be so but… you don’t even know what calamari is,” she said.

“I do, it’s a fancy way of saying eel,” Robin answered. Regina laughed into her hand.

“Calamari is squid, dear,” she said. Robin huffed.

“Eel, squid, same thing. They’re both sea animals, are they not?” Robin protested. Regina laughed and Robin cracked a smile. Henry, on the other hand, was repeatedly smacking his forehead. Apparently he’d wasted his time with the date tips.

Robin and Regina continued their date, laughing and talking. Henry was continually taking note of all the things Robin was doing wrong in his opinion, but didn’t seem to bother Regina in the slightest. Usually the things that Robin did “wrong” were part of his “endearing personality” as Regina called it.

Roland had lost interest in the date and instead found himself deeply entertained by a stick bug, which was probably a good thing. Every time Robin and Regina kissed, Henry would turn around in attempt to not throw up his meal.

“That was too cute!” Regina laughed, remembering the trip she, Robin and Roland took to the ice cream parlor once. “His whole face was covered with sprinkles!”

“Yes, according to Roland that’s his favorite ice cream experience,” Robin chucked.

“I would’ve thought he’d hate ice cream after that!” Regina exclaimed. Robin shook his head.

“No, that would be me. I spent hours combing colorful sprinkles out of his hair.” Regina laughed. Robin shifted to pour more red wine in both his and Regina’s glasses.

No one seemed to notice the teetering candles around the edges of the blanket. Finally, one of the candles set precariously on a tree root tipped over and a small flame caught the corner of the picnic blanket. Robin and Regina jumped up quickly, Robin stomping his foot on the flames.

“I told the kid this would happen...” Robin mumbled, battling with the flames. Regina stood to the side, the flame not yet being an imminent threat. But Roland, smelling the smoke, recalled Henry’s words about intervening were something to go wrong with the date. Naturally, he had to warn his father.

Roland jumped out from his hiding place hollering, “Papa! Gina! Watch out! Fire! Fire! Fire!” He ran over to Robin and Regina. Regina looked at him in surprise and scooped him into her arms.

“Roland? Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Regina asked, suddenly suspicious. Robin walked over to Roland and Regina, the fire now stamped out.

“It’s alright my boy, there’s no danger anymore,” Robin said. Roland sighed in relief.

“Good, cause Henry said -” The little boy suddenly clammed up. Regina’s lips formed a thin, displeased smile.

“Henry, I know you’re there,” Regina called out. Henry reluctantly revealed himself.

“Oh, mom. What a coincidence,” Henry tried to cover up his spying. Regina sighed.

“Nice try,” she said.

“What?” Henry asked innocently. “Roland and I were just going for a walk.”

“A walk in the bushes!” Roland supplied unhelpfully.

“Uh-huh,” Robin cut in. “I’m sure that’s what’s going on.” He narrowed his eyes. “Just what do you think you were doing hiding there?” Henry pouted.

“I was making sure…” here he lowered his voice. “... you didn’t mess up the date,” Henry said. Robin frowned.

“That is ridiculous,” Robin argued. “Everything was going fine until certain people got involved...” Henry and Robin continued arguing, no one noticing little Roland’s fascination with the candles.

Roland, being the curious four year old he was, reached out and poked one of the candles. The candle, which was already very unbalanced, tipped over and hit the candle beside it, both setting fire to the already charred picnic blanket.

“Ah!” Roland cried, jumping back. Regina, Robin and Henry whipped around. Regina grabbed Roland so he wouldn’t get burned by the flames. Henry and Robin started stamping the fire out.

“See! I knew you would mess up the date!” Henry cried.

“Me?! Who ignored my warning about having an open flame in a forest?!” Robin argued back. Suddenly the flames disappeared in a swirl of purple magic.

“So,” a deceptively calm voice said from behind them. Gulping, Henry and Robin turned to face a smiling Regina, who was tapping her foot impatiently. The smile, however, barely hid the growing irritation beneath. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”


	4. STAGE 4: The Debriefing

**Storybrooke Forest | June 16, 20:15 ECT**

Henry was a good kid. Always had been, always will be. And part of being a good kid meant telling the honest truth. Which he didn’t hesitate to do.

“It was all his fault!” Henry pointed at Robin Hood, who balked.

“My fault? This whole harebrained scheme was your idea!” The thief cried indignantly.

“I like bunnies!” Roland shouted unhelpfully. All three adults - well, two adults and one adult in progress - stared at the little boy. “What? Papa said hares.” Robin put a hand to his forehead.

“Little John, if you wouldn’t mind…?” The burly man gently lifted Roland onto his shoulders and hurried away. He did _not_ want to be around when Regina blew her top.

“ _What_ exactly was Robin’s fault, dear?” Regina asked Henry, sighing.

“The date is ruined, I told Robin I would hurt him if the date was ruined. I mean, we even got cannolis. _Cannolis_ for crying out loud!” Henry cried.

“Henry...” Regina started. “The candle fell, that wasn’t Robin’s fault and - what were you and Roland doing in the bushes?” Regina raised one of her eyebrows. Henry avoided eye contact.

“Monitoring…” he mumbled. Robin gave a sour laugh.

“Yes, monitoring…” Robin mumbled under his breath. Henry frowned and opened his mouth to retort.

“Okay, I can see this goes back a bit,” Regina said. “What happened?” She put her hands on her hips. Henry and Robin glanced at each other, both silently screaming, _You tell her._

“You’re her girlfriend!” Henry hissed. “You tell her!”

“You’re her son! I was perfectly fine professing my love to Regina by -”  Robin cut himself off and Regina gave him a warning glare. He coughed. “Anyway, this was all your idea!”

“Henry…” Regina growled. If they weren’t going to tell her on their own, she’d force one of them to do it. Unfortunately, the only one she had any sway over was her son. “Explain. Now.” Henry gulped.

“Uhhh… You see mom… I noticed Robin Hood was interested in you… And you obviously love him very much, and he’s a thief so I wasn’t sure if he was just playing with your heart…” Robin’s glare could rival Regina’s on a bad day. “A-anyway, I wanted him to prove that he really loved you by taking you on the best date ever, and when we first talked he was so hopeless I took pity on him and helped him plan the date… We agreed on this romantic outing but I had to come along to make sure he didn’t screw everything up, Roland helped me of course…” Henry trailed off there and gave his mother an innocent smile. Robin snorted.

“That’s not how I remember it happening,” the disgruntled thief muttered. “You bullied me into taking Regina out on _your_ idea of a perfect date.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to if you actually knew my mom! You didn’t even know what her favorite color was! How could I trust you to take her on a date that she would enjoy?!” Henry argued. Regina held up her hands.

“Enough,” She frowned at both of them. “You’re both acting like small children.” Robin and Henry slumped down at her scolding, like the aforementioned small children.

“Robin, you know Henry can go a bit - “ She paused and looked at Henry. “... overboard. He is still only a kid.” Henry looked like he wanted to protest, but didn’t.

“And Henry,” She gave him the “motherly look” and bent down so they were eye to eye. “You really need to treat Robin with respect. I understand you are trying to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do,” she smiled at him. “But Robin is an adult, and you need to treat adults with respect. He’s also not doing anything harmful, or evil…” She shook her head. “Anyway, he’s probably even going to end up being your father someday and I don’t want you two fighting like - “ She cut herself off realizing what she just said.

Henry’s eyes widened, but they weren’t nearly as big as Robin’s.

“Uh…” Regina spluttered, trying to figure out a way to take back her words. “I -” Robin smiled and walked towards her.

“You…” Robin chuckled, teasing her a bit. “Go on…” He pulled her towards him. She slapped his arm.

“Shut up,” she muttered, blushing.

“You _technically_ just called me Henry’s future father…” Robin said, smiling. Regina pouted.

“Slip of the tongue,” Regina mumbled. Robin chuckled.

“Sure…” Robin tightened his hold on her. “I thought a Queen never slips up.”

“Watch it, thief,” Regina smirked at him. “You’re treading on thin ice here.”

“Am I now?” His lips were almost touching hers. “As I recall, you fired the first shot.”

“It’s not like I gave you a marriage proposal,” Regina muttered.

“Really? It sounded like it,” Robin captured her mouth with his. Regina responded with enthusiasm.

She grabbed the sides of his suit, and he drew her closer to him. Regina smiled into the kiss but then slightly pushed them apart.

“But that really wasn’t a marriage proposal,” Regina said against his lips. Robin smiled.

“I know, I have that covered,” Robin murmured before he sealed their lips once more.

“Okaaay,” Henry interrupted. “While I totally support your relationship and all, I’ve already witnessed enough mushy stuff to scar me for life. Remember, I live with Emma and by extension Hook. So if you don’t mind…” Robin and Regina laughed and pulled away from each other.

“Alright kiddo,” Regina chuckled. “It’s late. You should head home now.”

“‘Kay,” Henry said and started to trudge back in the direction of the mansion.

“Oh, and Henry?” Regina called.

“Yeah mom?”

“As much as I love you for wanting to make me happy, you’re grounded. One week, starting now,” Regina smirked. Henry’s mouth dropped open.

“What? _He_ gets a kiss and _I_ get grounded?” Henry cried. He wanted to slap the victorious look off Robin’s face.

“Oh,” Regina smirked evilly. “Did you want a kiss too?” Henry’s eyes bugged as Regina advanced towards him.

“No! Nevermind! You all can live happily ever after and blah blah ahhhhh!” Henry cried, ducking out of the way before Regina showered him with kisses. “Mom! Cut it out!”

Regina laughed. “Alright, go on home. I’ll take you back to Emma’s when I get there,” Henry smiled and raced off. Robin turned to Regina and pulled her close once more.

“Your boy’s on his way home, the Merry Men have scattered… where were we?” Robin murmured as he closed his lips upon Regina’s.

“Mmpf!” Regina put her hands against Robin’s chest and attempted to push him away, smiling. But he wasn’t having any of that.

“What’s the matter, milady?” he asked, breaking away to leave only a millimeter of space between their lips. Regina laughed.

“Did I not just tell Henry I’d take him to Emma’s? I have to go!” She tried pulling away again but Robin’s grasp on her was too strong.

“The lad’s a young adult, I’m sure he can walk himself,” Robin tried to argue. “And I’m sure he’s not even at the mansion yet. You have time. Besides, you can teleport!”

“Robin,” Regina said. “It’s a school night, I have to get Henry home at a decent ti - mmpf!” Robin was kissing her again.

She broke away to argue, but he cut her off. “Like I said, you can get to the house in a matter of seconds - no Regina, no arguing,” He put a finger to her lips. She frowned at him. He sighed, seeing that Regina would not give this up.

“Little John!” Robin called out. Little John came walking up to them. He looked a bit uncomfortable because of Regina and Robin’s close proximity. Regina blushed and tried, to no avail, to pull away from Robin.

“Take Regina’s boy to the Charmings’ if you would. He’s at the mansion,” Robin requested. Little John jumped eagerly at the chance to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

“Sure, I’ll head over there now,” Little John said, taking off in the same direction Henry had gone.

“Thank you!” Robin called after him. He faced Regina again, who was pouting.

“You didn’t have to do that...” she mumbled. Robin smirked.

“Oh, I most definitely did,” He captured her lips in a passionate kiss, and despite Regina’s previous objections, she returned it wholeheartedly. After all, this was supposed to be _their_ night.

**Operation: Outlaw Queen**

**Status: Success**


End file.
